Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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