i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
