Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
