dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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