Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
