I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
