Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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