I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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