I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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