I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
