I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
