I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
