We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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