Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
