So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We talked him into tasing himself.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
