I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
