So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
