i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
