Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
