I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
