is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
