Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize