I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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