Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize