Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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