Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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