I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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