'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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