peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
