Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
