I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
