Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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