It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
