just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
