i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
