did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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