I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
She said her name was "party"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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