i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
