I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
There r osticjed everywhere
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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