No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
