just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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