Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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