Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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