We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
