I love black thongs
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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