he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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