I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
