Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
