The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
