i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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