Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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