You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
