I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she told me i tasted like america
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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