I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
