Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
