We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
