And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
