YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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