It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
