If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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