if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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