the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
