so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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