is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize