he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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