Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
