I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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