i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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