Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
